I feel no obligation to teach my readers anything, to impart any sort of wisdom, to teach any sort of lesson, to instill any sort of morality. All I'm trying to do is make them and their parents laugh.

Hosting a show, even a talk show or a game show, there's so much business you have to conduct. There's so much guiding you have to do.

The things I care about are the most pedestrian things in the world. I care about good ice cream and being a good dad and a decent husband.

The thing about narcissistic people is that they don't think they're being narcissistic.

The whole idea of punk rock is that you're dressing yourself in a crazy leather jacket with safety pins and a Mohawk. The idea of being the rebel is a boring societal idea. It's such a type. And that's what I was, without knowing it.

I don't necessarily self-identify as a writer, 'cause it implies a certain level of intelligence.

I don't really read children's books or deal with children's books, so I don't have any relationship with them other than my own.