There's things I know I'm good at, and those things interest me less and less. I learn a lot more from doing it wrong than I do from doing it right.

The thing about narcissistic people is that they don't think they're being narcissistic.

I hope you die.... P.S. If you do die, I'm going to go to the funeral and finger your corpse.

I think writing for anybody helps you order your life. It helps you arrange your emotions and your thoughts and it helps to provide perspective.

I thought I'd be living a much more bohemian life and be very poor. I never thought I'd do comedy or be married living in the suburbs. Every time I try to plan my life out it just doesn't come to pass, and I think that's a great experience.

The characters that I have on Twitter have very little resemblance to me, the person who's writing them.

I don't necessarily self-identify as a writer, 'cause it implies a certain level of intelligence.