I'll never admit that I'm an actor, because the next horrible follow-up question is always, "Oh, what have I seen you in?"

I feel no obligation to teach my readers anything, to impart any sort of wisdom, to teach any sort of lesson, to instill any sort of morality. All I'm trying to do is make them and their parents laugh.

Hosting a show, even a talk show or a game show, there's so much business you have to conduct. There's so much guiding you have to do.

I think people just love to win.

With stand-up, you can be as freeform as you want to be. You can say what you want, how you want, at any moment without constraint.

Things you never thought were going to turn into something end up being the most important things in your life. You have to learn to not try to control it.

I'm very introverted, so it requires a huge effort for me to put on a smile and extend a hand and accept compliments. I would much rather be insulted than complimented any day.