Many boyfriends or close male friends seem so different when they are by themselves, as opposed to when they are with a bunch of other guys. I think it has to do with the desperate desire on the part of guys to be seen as a "real guy" - a real man, a man's man.

Guys constantly talk about pornography in two ways: as revenge and as reassurance. When you live in a world in which beautiful, sexy women are all around you, in the same classes, on the same athletic field, competing for the same jobs, then the pornographic world - the world in which women thrill to male sexual desire - reassures men that although they may feel "one down," they're still entitled to women's bodies.

The pull of Guyland reminds us that women cannot accomplish this transformation alone. In the book's final chapter I argue that just as men need to stand up, do the right thing and break the silence that perpetuates Guyland, so, too, do women need to support each other in resisting its pull.

I think there is another choice for women; it involves challenging Guyland and supporting each other.

It's like what you might call Goldilocks' dilemma in the old fairy tale. Young men see women as "less than" or "better than," but never their equals. And studies indicate that equality is the best foundation for a healthy relationship.

And few hookups, if any, ever take place sober. And while wearing "beer goggles" may make people appear more attractive, it doesn't exactly make for sexual ecstasy! There's always been a difference between pleasure and scoring.

So guys who are otherwise sensitive and thoughtful say and do ridiculously dumb things to impress other guys. It's an enormous performance, but guys know that if they fail, they'll be ridiculed as sissies mercilessly.