I think narcissists are endlessly watchable. The way they view the world and the way they interact within the world.

That's the thing that most people don't realize. In real life, comedians aren't funny. They save it. They save it up.

I think gay people deserve all the same rights as everybody else, it's just that marriage is specifically for a man and a woman.

Maybe in 10 years,I'll only be doing "classical" comedy. Or crashing my car into trees.

I calculated that if I wrote five pages a day, which seemed very doable, I would have an 1,800-page first draft when the deadline rolled around. Though completely unwritten, I was very impressed with how long my first draft would be.

Cats are unpredictable because they're wild and domestic at the same time. Watching a cat's behavior is like a small window into the wild.

In my perfect world order, it is cold all the time. Everyone wears sweaters and drinks coffee. People don't speak to each other; they read the newspaper. There is no loud music, and cats are in charge.