Iโve been thinking about that ever since. Am I lucky? Am I lucky that I didnโt die? Am I lucky that, compared to the other kids here, my life doesnโt seem so bad? Maybe I am, but I have to say, I donโt feel lucky. For one thing, Iโm stuck in this pit. And just because your life isnโt as awful as someone elseโs, that doesnโt mean it doesnโt suck. You canโt compare how you feel to the way other people feel. It just doesnโt work. What might look like the perfect lifeโor even an okay lifeโto you might not be so okay for the person living it.
Michael Thomas FordThat sounds so weird: "kill yourself." It makes it sound like you tried to murder someone, only that someone is you. But killing someone is wrong, and I don't think suicide is. It's my life, right? I should be able to end it if I want to. I don't think it's a sin.
Michael Thomas FordI believe that Godโif he exists at allโis what we want him to be. The true God is unknowable, and so we dress him up in costumes that make him visible to us. Then we come up with a lot of very silly rules that we attribute to him and tell everyone if they don't follow those rules, they can't be part of the gang.
Michael Thomas FordOne time Allie and I skipped school and went to see this foreign film called Los Diablos, where these villagers found a glowing blue ball and peeled pieces off of it to see what was inside. Only the ball was really radioactive, and they all died from the poison. I think thatโs what happens when you look too deep inside for the truth. The poison comes out, and you die, even though you have beautiful glowing pieces of blue truth in your fingers.
Michael Thomas Ford