Happiness is like the penny candy of our youth: we got a lot more for our money back when we had no money.

People will disapprove of you if you're unhappy, or if you're happy in The Wrong Way.

Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.

My religious position: I think that God could do a lot better, and I'm willing to give Him the chance.

Once you become self-conscious, there is no end to it; once you start to doubt, there is no room for anything else.

Spring, summer, and fall fill us with hope; winter alone reminds us of the human condition.

Every American child should grow up knowing a second language, preferably English.