The total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone.

It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time.

If your husband expects you to laugh, do so; if he expects you to cry, don't; if you don't know what he expects, what are you doing married?

I wish I'd said it first, and I don't even know who did: The only problems that money can solve are money problems.

The neurotic believes that life has meaning, but that his life hasn't.

Learn a little of anything, and you're ready to proselytize.

Women gather together to wear silly hats, eat dainty food, and forget how unresponsive their husbands are. Men gather to talk sports, eat heavy food, and forget how demanding their wives are. Only where children gather is there any real chance of fun.