Sometimes when my fans come up to me, they think it's going to be entertaining, like I'm going to tell jokes or do bits, and then instead of that I end up talking about really mundane things with my fans, and then they're kind of like, "This is boring. I want to go talk to somebody else." I think I bore my fans to death by over-talking to them.

The people who are the worst at news, who kind of engage in what I call the World Wrestling of news, have kind of set the bar for where news is.

All techniques of comedy are valid and interesting to me.

You need to know what doesn't work to know what works. It's especially true in improv and stand-up.

I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.

Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody.

I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!