I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married.

I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.

I was an altar boy as a kid. And the answer is no.

I think spending a lot of time with my mom, who's a talker and a storyteller, and my dad, who has kind of a soft-spoken, understated sense of humor, I think that's how I became what I am, which is sort of an understated storyteller.

I drank the Kool-Aid of being a network star. Once it didn't happen, I realized it wasn't the best version of my comedy.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.