What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

Two Drink Mike enjoys dancing and knows a magic trick. Whereas, No Drink Mike enjoys biographies, and has serious opinions on wildlife. And Five Drink Mike... dances with wildlife.

I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.

I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear.

When I was a kid I would write songs, little plays, and poetry in school. If you're an adult and you're a poet, it's all about love and pain, but if you're a kid it's, "Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?"

Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.

When you're in a relationship with someone who's selfish, what keeps you in it is the fact that when they shine on you, it's this souped-up shine. And you feel like you're in the club. And you don't even know what club it is. You just know you want to stay in it.