So I went to a club the other day, which is timely because my self esteem had been hovering right around 'normal' and I had been meaning to knock it down to negative 1000.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

They really cut to the chase in the urologist's examination room, and I tried to laugh. If this office were a movie, it would have been rated R.

I feel that marriage can lead to the ultimate rejection and failure and divorce and things we all fear.

I went to the doctor, and they found something in my bladder. And whenever they find something, it's never anything good like, "We found something in your bladder AND IT'S SEASON TICKETS TO THE YANKEES!!"

I went to a funeral recently, and they handed out Kleenex before the funeral. Which I thought was cocky.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.