Where art and business intersect is a challenging hurdle for a lot of people, reconciling the fact that not everyone is going to make it in the same way. Yeah, you have to be a little selfish, probably.

My problem with being in New York City is that you really can't make a living as a comedian. You can, but you have to also take writing jobs, which means less stage time.

I can always go back to waiting tables, but I won't be very good at it. I'll never be good at it.

Comedy is tragedy plus time, but the time is different for everybody.

I performed for the U.S. troops in Guantanamo Bay. And signed autographs for people who've been gone from America for so long they didn't realize that I'm not famous.

Essentially, retweets are like laughs.

I almost can't even put to words how happy I am that I got married.