Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying..."

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

I think spending a lot of time with my mom, who's a talker and a storyteller, and my dad, who has kind of a soft-spoken, understated sense of humor, I think that's how I became what I am, which is sort of an understated storyteller.

I think the cleverness is inadvertent.

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

I think the reason why I'm so alluring to networks is because on the surface I'm like a quintessential relatable, boring white guy. A great many sitcoms have been anchored by a boring white guy, so I feel like what they want to mine from me are my more generic qualities.

I don't drink a lot. My family calls me an old soul. And my friends call me a pussy.