Some people come up to me and say "You know, in Italy, it's pronounced Ber-beel-lia" And I say "Well, here in America, you're annoying..."

Success is fleeting. It may not have to do with you but how your work is received.

I'm a big fan of pastries the size of a baby that contain enough calories for a year. That seems like an effective use of time.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

I shouldn't say bad things about the illiterate, though..I should write it. That way they won't find out.

Alienation, I suppose, can't be hackneyed because it will always exist.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.