I thought, Hey, maybe these people shouldn't be making up holidays to drink more. Maybe if they drank less they might be able to title their newspaper articles more specifically. For example, I would title this last article "Drunk Driver Hits Drunk Walker Drunkety-Drunk I'm So Drunk."

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

What I write is emotionally honest and truthful as the human experience can be, to make people feel less alone, or at least that's the hope.

Eugene Mirman is the Andy Warhol of comedy. People look to him for what's next in comedy, and he emails these people back promptly. The Will to Whatevs put me in a great mood because I was laughing out loud. Alone. That's hard to do.

You need to know what doesn't work to know what works. It's especially true in improv and stand-up.

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.