If it weren't for my imagination, I would weigh ten thousand pounds. This is because the only way I am able to exercise anymore is through a long and vivid revenge fantasy.

I once heard that Quentin Tarantino, who I obviously love and think is a genius, says that there's no such thing as guilty pleasure, there's only pleasures. And I do love that idea, because I do think that there's a pretentiousness when people make a list of their favorite things. I like to live a life where I don't think of my pleasures as guilty pleasures.

I work so hard and so many hours, and I've done that for years and years and years.

I think as humans, no one remembers their successes, everyone just remembers their failures.

I have an underdog spirit in me, and now it feels weird to kind of get my own way more often than not.

I initially thought you were ugly, but then you walked closer to me and I realized you were pretty.

Comedy writers have the most fragile egos.