If I gave my mother a knitted scarf she'd be worried I was wasting my time doing stupid stuff like knitting instead of school work. Presenting a homemade knitted object to my parents was actually like handing them a detailed backlog of my idleness.

Comedy writers have the most fragile egos.

What? I have a cold. Don’t get a look of terror on your face. The worst that could happen is that you’ll get a cold, too. You don’t have to theatrically Purell a thousand times a day and look all panicky every time I come into the room.

Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.

I have a whole system down for returning online shopping: a tape gun, a printer for return labels. That has replaced traditional window shopping in my life, as I've gotten busier.

I feel like the high-concept shows that have some kind of gimmick tend not to be the hit classic shows of all time.

I really think guys only need two pairs of shoes. A nice pair of black shoes and a pair of Chuck Taylors.