Children's games are stronger than you remember once you've grown up and left them behind. They're always fair, and never kind.

Sorry...I got distracted listening to you and hot glued myself to my unicorn

Last guy I was interested in turned out to be an incestuous necrophiliac," she said. "So no, not currently dating, and definitely not doing any more shopping in the 'sociopath' category

I was still wearing my shoes. The staff was paid to wash the sheets after every visit, and by the point we left the field, I’d dressed and undressed so many times in the course of decontamination that I never wanted to remove my clothes again. I’d just wear them until they dissolved, and then spend the rest of my life naked.

No one should be posing for duck-lipped selfies with the plaque of the dead. That wouldn't be right.

I would love a sandwich,' said Tybalt, with enough gravity to make it sound like a formal proclamation. Resolved: that we will have ham and cheese sandwiches.

Running around in the grass near an unsecured structure and a bunch of trees is a good way of taking yourself out of the gene pool.