Most guys my age have girlfriends and drinking buddies on their speed dial. Me, I have the Memphis CDC.

Some people live where they work. Others just visit.​

Nothing is impossible to kill. It's just that sometimes after you kill something you have to keep shooting it until it stops moving

Running around in the grass near an unsecured structure and a bunch of trees is a good way of taking yourself out of the gene pool.

Some people say I have issues. I say those people need to expand their horizons because I don't have issues, I have the Library of Congress

The difference between the truth and a lie is that both of them can hurt, but only one will take the time to heal you afterward.

It is what it is. Isn't that how these things always go? They are what they are. We just get to cope.