My mother once told me that no women is naked when she comes equipped with a bad mood and a steady glare.

Most guys my age have girlfriends and drinking buddies on their speed dial. Me, I have the Memphis CDC.

I am, in fact, immortal when annoyed.

No one should be posing for duck-lipped selfies with the plaque of the dead. That wouldn't be right.

If we didn't fear the truths we didn't hear, we'd lose the need to fear the ones we did.

The laws of physics have already been violated. What happens if they decide to press charges?

Time never runs backward when I need it to. Not for me, and not for anyone else.