Rose goblins are built like porcupines - if you rub them the right way, you don't have to worry about the spines. They're sort of like people in that regard, too.​

Pronouns are only useful when you combine them with other words. I have a few I can give you, if you're at a loss.

Things it is not polite to discuss at the dinner table: politics, religion, and the walking dead.

See, Quentin, that’s why you should wear a cup before trying to assassinate someone.

Mother Nature is a freaky lady who probably created pot so she could spend all her time smoking it.

Growing up in my family meant ambushes on your birthday, crossbows for Christmas, and games of dodge ball where the balls were occasionally rigged to explode. It also meant learning how to work your way out of a wide variety of death traps. Failure to get loose on your own could lead to missing dinner, or worse, being forced to admit that you missed dinner because your baby sister had tied you to the couch. Again.

Think about that for a moment. They died for you. Now take a good look at the life you're living and tell me: Did they do the right thing?