I own nothing of value at all. I spend money on experiences.

My Dear Reader Chum, a very hearty hello to you. What an honour and privilege it is to have you perusing my written word.

I have written the only diet book that I believe needs to exist, and here it is: CHAPTER ONE: Eat a bit less. CHAPTER TWO: Move about a bit more. THE END.

I'm very much in denial that I can't dance. I really go for it, which is almost more embarrassing.

Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya.

Look in the mirror and say, 'There is none other like you and for that reason alone you are beautiful.

Get me a skinny frappuccino. I have no idea what that is - I would like to think you would be presented with a tiny Italian man.