Miranda Hart Quotes

I have written the only diet book that I believe needs to exist, and here it is: CHAPTER ONE: Eat a bit less. CHAPTER TWO: Move about a bit more. THE END.

Life is a series of embarrassing moments which leave you feeling alone in your confusion and shame

I've never felt like a woman fighting in a male world; I've never felt penalised.

Imagine for a moment playing by children's rules. If you were at a party and saw someone you liked, you could just go and hold their hand. If they then try to kiss you and you don't like it, you can push them over. If your aunty gives you a Christmas present that you're not too keen on, you can throw it back in her face and burst into tears. You can gallop freely. You can skip. Children have got it right. The tragedy is, none of this is permissible as an adult. Although one thing surely is – and I'll bet you know what I'm going to say – that's right, the galloping. Such fun!

The embarrassment of a situation can, once you are over it, be the funniest time in your life. And I suppose a lot of my comedy comes from painful moments or experiences in life, and you just flip them on their head.

Everyone - particularly my female friends I speak to - all say 'I wouldn't be in my twenties again if I was paid.' It's a difficult time.

Manicures: Which are basically just holding hands with a stranger for forty-five minutes whilst listening to Enya.

I never admitted what I wanted to do for a career to anyone until I was 26. I wish I'd piped up at 18.

My Dear Reader Chum, a very hearty hello to you. What an honour and privilege it is to have you perusing my written word.

It's on the bucket list for sure to do a comedy film, even if it was just one line on the lot.

Also, in your 20s, if you are beautiful, everything comes to you, so you never need to develop a personality. I never had that problem.

We all have our worries about our bodies and our looks. We just need to make the best of our lovely, wonky selves. The key is never to compare and try to be something you're not.

I only really and truly fully relax on my own. Give me a sun lounger, a pool and a sea view, and I'm happy.

There are some wonderful aspects to Christmas. It's magical. And each year, from at least November, well, September, well, if I'm honest, May, I look forward to it hugely.

You need to know that even as life develops in superficially disappointing ways, there is still fun to be had.

About me - I used to want to be a P.E. teacher, and kind of still do.

Very important to celebrate victories, however tiny, I always say.

I don't know who St. Valentine was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.

My greatest crush was Chandler from 'Friends'. And Goran Ivanisevic.

My greatest fear is fear. Ooh, meta.

I'm very much in denial that I can't dance. I really go for it, which is almost more embarrassing.

No blessing goes uncontested. It will take a long time to get your dream.

If I did better... I'd be God.

No one likes a show-off, but if parallel parking was an Olympic sport, I would get gold, no probs.

My mum said to me once years ago, which really spurred me on, 'You're the funniest person I know'. I loved that.

I see myself as a comedian rather than a female comedian. I happen to be a woman, but I am a comedian by trade.

I'm such a comedy fan that I just love laughing and so admire comedians who have brought me joy.

I have a fantastic method for anti-ageing. It's eating. Plumps out your skin beautifully.

I am not married, no. I wasn't really into the notion when I was younger, but now I think a proposal is the ultimate romantic gesture.

I think it's sad when people stop dreaming, or start losing hope. Because holding onto the bonkers dream might just turn out to be the most marvellous thing you ever did.

We are all unique, which makes us beautiful; so never despair, and just chill the hell out about it all.

I want to be more physical and theatrical within the stand-up. There might be dance moments, and people better watch out - I will gallop.

some of my happiest funniest times have been spent in offices. Perhaps because the work was mudane, even the tiniest of distractions become wildly hilarious and wonderful. Actually, I'd say that 90 per cent of my doubled-over-gasping-with-laughther-laughing-so-much-that-you-can't-breathe-and-you-think-you-might-die laughing has occurred during slow days in offices.

Look in the mirror and say, 'There is none other like you and for that reason alone you are beautiful.

I'll always have to force myself to see the positive, because I'm wired badly, I'd say. I'm just naturally a bit under, a bit depressed.

Live in hope. Because things do happen. Things do change. Worry really is futile. Don't fear the future. Dreams do come true.

I started watching some 'Doctor Who' recently on my own and got too scared. I had to watch it in the daytime - I'm pathetic.

I own nothing of value at all. I spend money on experiences.

It's a real man who can go out with a woman who's taller than he is. That's an alpha male right there.

Get me a skinny frappuccino. I have no idea what that is - I would like to think you would be presented with a tiny Italian man.

Pessimism is my default setting.