I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would've taken all my tests at a restaurant, 'cause 'The customer is always right'.
Mitch HedbergI hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.
Mitch HedbergI made $3,000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash. That was a bad situation, because I bought ridiculous stuff. I bought a snake bite emergency kit. Then I said to my friends, "Don't even worry about snakes anymore". My friend stepped on a worm, and I said, "Lay down!"
Mitch Hedberg