They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.

I like Kinko's, because they're open 24 hours. If it's 5 am and I decide I need two of something, I'm covered! Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, and then I think, "Oh, yeah. Kinko's. No problem. That will not remain singular."

If you don't know a light bulb is a three-way light bulb, it messes with your head. You reach to turn it off, and it just gets brighter! That's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do! So you turn the switch again, and it gets brighter once more! I will break you, light bulb!

I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes.

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.