Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet your ass, I will have a beret on. That's ridiculous, but it's true. I always fight with wearing a beret.

I want to ride in a cold air balloon. "This isn't going anywhere!"

I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."

When you go to a bar that has a black light, everybody looks cool. Except for me, because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.

I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.