I had my palm read. I wrote something on it first to see if she would read that too.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.
I got some tartar control toothpaste. I still have tartar, but that stuff's under control. I got so much tartar, I don't have to dip my fish sticks in anything. That's actually kind of gross. After that joke, I have to clarify that I'm just joking.
I don't have a microwave oven, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.
If Spiderman was real, and I was a criminal, and he shot me with his web, I would say, "Dude, thanks for the hammock."