Then let's print up some flyers!

I went to a tent store. "What kind of tent do you need?" "Circus."

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.

I want to get a job naming kitchen appliances. That seems easy; refrigerator, toaster, blender. You just say what the thing does and add "er".

If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic.

I guess the one-liner kind of comic sounds like a guy who can talk and talk and whatever the subject is, he can pull out a one-liner, but I couldn't do that. I didn't like the association. I mean, I love Steven Wright, but so many people started saying "Steven Wright" to me, and I would get mad, because I never wanted to be thought of as copying anybody.