Last time I called shotgun we had rented a limo, so I messed up!

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly.

I saw soda pop for $1.20 a six pack. That price messes with your head. You start thinking you're gonna sell soda pop. Suddenly I've got packs of pop with me. "Looking to buy some pop? 50 cents a can. It's not refrigerated because this is a half-assed commitment!"

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.