Imagine if the headless horseman had a headless horse. That would be chaos. I would think that if you were the headless horseman's horse, you would be very confused. "I don't think this dude can see."

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.

People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

When you start out in comedy, or probably in a lot of things, you want it to happen fast. You don't want to see yourself having to do this for seven years before you start to get some feedback.

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.