I hate flossing, I wish I just had one long curvy tooth. They didn't have to make separations for me.

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

I have a Sharpie. I love Sharpies. You know what they say on them? Not for letter writing. That sucks. Now I have to communicate with my dad using numbers.

I want to get non-aerosol mace, you just rub it in. "Dude who is attacking me - come a little closer!"

Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great.

I went to the airport, I put my bag in the x-ray machine, I found out my bag has cancer. It only has six more months to hold stuff.

You know crazy straws - they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, "we're going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He's crazy."