I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.

I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.

One time I was forced to go to the doctors because of a sports accident. Herpes.

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.