I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"