I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour. Why do I need the instant oatmeal? I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.

Mitch”, but then reattach it and call it “Mitch-all-together.