When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.
I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.
I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.
You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."