I mumble a lot when im off stage, so a lot of times when im with a friend i'll say something and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll be like what, and i'll say it again and he'll still be like what, so now he's got me yellin. Man that tree is far away

Why are there no "during" pictures?

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, the next thing you know, your bass player turns into a can of soup.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.

You know when you see an advertisement for a casino, and they have a picture of a guy winning money? That's false advertising, because that happens the least. That's like if you're advertising a hamburger, they could show a guy choking. "This is what happened once."