I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"

The customer’s always right.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.

I have found when I look at an audience that the expressions on the peoples' faces aren't always up to par with the sounds that they're making. A crowd can sound like they're having a good time when your eyes are closed but if you open your eyes, the looks on some of those faces don't equal the sound.

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall.