Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil, and the devil is dill.

I would like it if four people did a cartwheel all at once... so I can make a cart.

I got an ant farm; them fellas didn't grow sh*t.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.