I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?"

I want to be a rebellious McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers... NOPE... we got spaghetti!

I travel with a boom box. When I get on a plane, I stuff the power cord for the boom box into the battery compartment. From an outsider's point of view, it looks like I've got it all wrong.

Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Damn, it's gonna take a while. I don't have time. Scrambled!

I was booked into the Riviera Hotel in Las Vegas with three other comedians. We all were using the Riviera in-house shampoo, so we all had equal shine and bounce.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I can't wait to get off the stage, because I've got some LifeSavers in my pocket and pineapple is next!