I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.
Mitch HedbergIf I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"
Mitch HedbergYou know crazy straws - they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, "we're going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He's crazy."
Mitch HedbergI know people who believe in ghosts but donโt believe in themselves. Itโs kind of sad. Okay you donโt think youโll ever make it as a musician, but last night you saw a translucent caveman.
Mitch Hedberg