My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'

Pepperidge Farm bread. That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, It's cool, he's with me.

A friend said to me, "I think the weather is trippy." I said, "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it's the way we perceive it." And then I realized I just should have said, "Yeah."

I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.