Tony the Tiger usually thinks that stuff is great.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for. That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

I went to a cigar store, the man behind the counter asked me, "What kind of cigars do you like?" I answered, "It's a Boys."

I`ve not really been angling to be a comedian. I knew comics and I loved them and I loved being funny, but I didn't understand the whole concept of becoming one. My first couple of times on stage, I was like, "This is what I'm doing for sure." I was so excited.