I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.

Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.

I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.

At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9 I say Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick.

Every picture of you is when you were younger.