A dog came to my door, so I gave him a bone, the dog took the bone into the back yard and buried it. I'm going to go plant a tree there, with bones on it, then the dog will come back and say, "Shoot! It worked! I must distribute these bones equally for I have a green paw!"

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

I spilled some vodka on the carpet, and I vacuumed it up, and the vacuum got drunk. I had to take the Hoover to detox.