If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals. You will run out.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait".

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?

I would not want to be a mobile home repo man. Those would be hard to sneak away - "Knock knock - Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?"

Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"