An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"

My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.

I am wearing a vest. If I had no arms, it would be a jacket.

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.

If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade.