I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"

I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like, "Have you ever tried sugar or PCP?"

I went to the store and bought eight apples; the clerk said, "Do you want these in a bag?" I said, "Oh, no, man, I juggle."