I'm sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It's time we make a decision. I need to know what Soup From Now On is.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

You got to always take advantage of getting your room cleaned. You may think it's nice not to have anybody in your room, like your privacy's not being invaded. But there's nothing like walking back into a clean room. You've got to remember that.

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!'

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.