Earlier I`ve done hatever I could get my hands on to do for a living. I tried a couple of different things, but kitchen work was the best for me, because I took to a nomadic lifestyle before I started doing comedy. If you travel and get to a town and need a job, restaurants are always there.

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

I thought my teeth were white until I washed my face with Noxzema. My teeth are off-white. I'm not even white. I'm off-white. It's a new race; we will prevail!

I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly.

I'm a hard act to follow, because when I'm done, I take the microphone with me.

I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.