Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8?

Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'"

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

If you find yourself lost in the woods, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here!"

When you start out in comedy, or probably in a lot of things, you want it to happen fast. You don't want to see yourself having to do this for seven years before you start to get some feedback.

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light a bunch of koala bears scatter. But I don't want 'em to, you know, I'm like "Hey, hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf."