I can read minds, but I'm illiterate.

Mitch”, but then reattach it and call it “Mitch-all-together.

When you put Listerine in your mouth, it hurts. Germs do not go quietly.

If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

A lot of bands have intense names, like "Rigor Mortis" or "Mortuary". We weren't that intense, we called ourselves "Injured". Later on we changed it to "Acapella" when we were walking out of the pawn shop.