Manners are just a formal expression of how you treat people.

Calling George Bush shallow is like calling a dwarf short.

Texas liberals are the camels of good news. We can cross entire deserts between oases.

Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce.

The Founders were right all along, but the results are a lot funnier than they intended.

Oh, hell, I can’t go on a spiritual journey—I'm constipated.

There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity -- like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule -- that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.